Here are the top 10 ways Women drive Men crazy
10. Do not say what you mean. Ever.
9. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them.
8. Play Alanis Morissette's "You Outta Know," loud. Look at them. Smile.
7. Look them in the eye and start laughing. (during an intimate moment)
5. Gather many female friends and dance to "I Will Survive" while they are present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud.
4. Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom. Do nothing alone.
3. Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they're wrong.
2. Plan little relationship anniversaries, i.e. the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the library for five minutes. Then get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry.
1. Constantly claim you're fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer.
Ok, but men still can't live without them
To strike a blow for Men everywhere, here are seminars for Women
(seminars will be given by men only)
"Are you ready to leave?" -- Definition of the word "yes"
Appropriate rhetorical questions (Formerly "Honey, do I look fat?")
Crying and law enforcement
You CAN go shopping for less then 4 hours
Gaining five pounds vs. the end of the world: a study in contrast
Driving I: Getting past automatic transmission
Driving II: The meaning of blinking red lights
Driving III: Approximating a constant speed
Driving IV: Makeup and Driving--It's As Simple As Oil and Water
The Super Bowl: Not a Game - A Sacrament
Gift giving Fundamentals (was: Fabric Bad, Electronics Good)
Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Gravity is on Your Side
Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+ Channels
What Goes Around Comes Around--Why His Credit Card is Not a Toy
"To Honor and Obey:" Remembering the small print above "I Do"
Differences between Men and Women
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A man will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't want.
Men always want to be a woman's first love.
Women have a more subtle instinct: They want to be a man's last romance.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Any married man should forget his mistakes no use in two people remembering the same thing.
It's not true that men prefer foolish women.
Rather they prefer women who can simulate foolishness whenever necessary, which is the very core of intelligence.