Two men are talking in the bar sharing their sob stories.
One man says, "I had the worst Freudian Slip the other day."
The other man responds, "What is a Freudian Slip?"
"You know, it's when you mean to say one thing, but you say something else that reveals what you are really thinking about.
Like the other day I was at the airport and this really beautiful lady was helping me. Instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh', I asked her for 'to Pickets to Tittsburgh."
The second replies, "Oh, now I know what you are talking about.
It's like the other day when I was having breakfast with my wife.
I wanted her to pass me the Orange Juice, and instead I said, "YOU RUINED MY LIFE!"
A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store.
(In fact it was the biggest store in the City)
"Have you ever been a salesman before? "Yes, I was a salesman in the country," said the lad; The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up."
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5o'clock came around. The boss arrived and asked, "How many sales did you make today? "One," said the young salesman. "Only one?" blurted the boss. "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day.
How much was the sale worth?
"Thirty-eight thousand, three hundred and thirty-four dollars," said the young man. "How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.
"Well" said the salesman, "This man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook.
Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one.
"I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast.
I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines.
Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him a new Suburban."
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"
"No,answered the salesman.; "Actually, he came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, "Your weekend's shot, you may as well go fishing.""
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table.
A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm bottomless."
With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs a new pair of pants!"
She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers.
"YES! I WIN! I WIN!"
With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves.
The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.
Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?"
The other answers, "I thought YOU were watching!"