Wake up a smile in your face with these one-liners guaranteed to crack a grin ;-)
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
Problem with the gene pool ...... no lifeguard.
Some days it just doesn't pay to gnaw through the straps...
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
Never knock on Death's door: Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).
I can resist anything but temptation.
All good things in moderation ..... including moderation.
I don't have a problem with willpower It's won't power I have a problem with.
When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
Life is sexually transmitted.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.
Human behavior laws of nature
"The Law of Avoiding Oversell"
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
"The Law of Common Sense"
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
"The Law of Reality"
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
"The Law of Motivation"
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
You always find something in the last place you look.
"Law of Impossibility"
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
"Law of Probable Dispersal"
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
"Law of Volunteer Labor"
People are always available for work in the past tense.
"Iron Law of Distribution"
Them that has, gets.
"Law of Cybernetic Entomology"
There is always one more bug.
"Law of Drunkenness"
You can't fall off the floor, but you can hold on to the grass and try not to fall of the edge of the world.
Groucho Marx had excellent lines:
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.