Jokes4U - 11
Once upon a time there was a stork family - papa stork, mama stork and baby stork.
One evening papa stork didn't show up for dinner.
Mama stork and baby stork left the food out for him but he didn't come home at all that night.
When papa stork finally did come home the next day, baby stork asked "Papa stork, where were you last night?"
"Out making a young couple very happy," replied papa stork.
Several weeks later, mama stork was late for dinner.
Baby stork and papa stork waited a while, and then gave up and ordered pizza.
Mama stork didn't come home until late the next morning.
When mama stork did come in, baby stork asked "Mama stork, where were you last night?"
"Out making a young couple very happy," replied mama stork.
Later in the fall, baby stork was late for dinner.
Papa stork and mama stork were worried.
Their anxiety increased when baby stork still wasn't home by sunset.
They both waited up late for baby stork but he didn't come in until early in the morning.
His feathers were rumpled and unkempt. Papa stork barked, "Where the hell were you, baby stork?" as his tired son dragged himself over the threshold.
"Out scaring the bejesus out of college students," replied baby stork.
A junior high school principal had a problem with girls who were starting to use lipstick.
When applying it in the bathroom they would blot their lips on the mirrors, leaving lip prints.
So he spoke to the teachers and asked them for their help.
They promised they would speak to the girls, but after two weeks, the situation didn't improve at all.
He called a few of the girls parents who were his friends for their advice, but to no avail. The mirrors were constantly a mess.
Finally he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered together all the girls who wore lipstick. He then took them into the bathroom and lectured about how hard it was to clean the lipstick off the mirrors.
You could see the young girls smiling at each other, all nodding publicly but smirking to one another.
The principal then asked the custodian, who was present, to demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors.
The custodian took a long handled brush, dipped it into the toilet and vigorously rubbed the lipstick off the mirror.
- From that day forward, the mirrors stayed lipstick free.
One Line Groaners...
Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa.
Hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam".
What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
National Dyslexics Association.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.
...and what kind of lettuce?
Iceberg.
The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.
