Jokes4U - 06

An older couple had a son, who was still living at home.

The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career.

They decided to do a small test.

They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table, and hid, pretending they were not home.

The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."

So, the parents waited nervously, hiding in the nearby closet. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son saw the note they had left. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it. Then, he grabbed the bottle, opened it and took a whiff, to get assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Damn! Our son is going to be a senator someday!"

Fun with words, Check out how these anagrams work out:

Dormitory Dirty Room

Evangelist Evil's Agent

Desperation A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code Here Come Dots

Slot Machines Cash Lost in 'em

Animosity Is No Amity

Mother-in-law Woman Hitler

Snooze Alarms Alas! No More Z's

The Public Art Galleries Large Picture Halls, I Bet

A Decimal Point I'm a Dot in Place

The Earthquakes That Queer Shake

Eleven plus two Twelve plus one

Contradiction Accord not in it

The grand finale:

PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA

Can be rearranged (with no letters left over,and using each letter only once) into:

TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS

Once there lived a man who had a passion for baked beans.

He loved them, but they had a lively reaction on him. Then one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "she is such a sweet and gentle girl, she will never go for this kind of carrying on." So making the supreme sacrifice. He gave up baked beans.

They were married shortly thereafter. Months later, his car broke down on the way home from work, and he had to walk home. On the way home, he went into a small cafe and called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home. After making the call, he smelled baked beans in the cafe. They were the best beans he had ever smelled!

He could not resist and had three large orders of baked beans. All the way home he had gas.

His wife seemed excited and somewhat agitated to see him, exclaiming,"darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner tonight!"

She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the dining room table. He seated himself. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She made him vow not to touch the blindfold until she returned. Seizing the opportunity of her absence, he shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not loud, but as ripe as rotten eggs. He took the napkin from his lap and fanned the air about him. Things had just returned to normal when he felt another urge coming on. So he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go again. This was a prize winner. He figured that he must be done. But then he made a third fart. This one made the flowers at the table wilt! Yet somehow his wife didn't hear him. While keeping his ear on the phone conversation in the hall, he again fanned vigorously until he heard the phone farewells,

indicating the end of his freedom. He was the very picture of innocence when his wife returned. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked. He assured her that he had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold and there was his surprise -- Twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party!

Joe goes to the Super Bowl.

His seat is in the nosebleed section, but at least he's at the Super Bowl.

So he starts looking around the stadium with his binoculars and sees a guy about 5 rows off the field on the 50 yard line with an empty seat beside him.

This is driving Joe nuts, so at half time, he goes down and asks the guy why he has a vacant seat in such a choice location.

The guy says, "My wife and I bought these seats a long time ago.

But unfortunately, she passed away."

"Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that", Joe says, "But why didn't you give the ticket to another relative or a friend?"

The guy replies: "They're all at the funeral."

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door.

She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.

"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said.

"Why don't you play with my dog Rollo while you are waiting?

He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands and sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through."

The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over.

Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through and over the rail of the balcony.

Just then Paul's date walked out.

"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" she gushed.

Paul panicked. "To tell the truth," he said, "he seemed a little depressed to me."