Jokes4U - 05

Top 10 Snappy comebacks to "Why aren't you Married yet"

10. You haven't asked yet.

9. What? And spoil my great sex life?

8. Just lucky, I guess.

7. I'm waiting until I get to be your age.

6. I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.

5. I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals.

4. What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?

3. We really want to, but my lover's husband just won't go for it.

2. I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.

1. Why aren't you thin?

One day a young, buxom blonde decided that she had had it
with the "Dumb Blonde" jokes going around.

As a result, she decided that she would show all those non-blonde sexists that blondes really are smart, so she set out to learn the capital of each of the fifty United States.

A few days later, armed with her new-found knowledge, she overheard the watercooler talk among some co-workers; again brazenly laughing over the lack of blonde intellect.

Having had our fill, our buxom blonde went to the foray and advised that she could prove to them, once and for all, that all blondes were not dumb.

She then proceeded to show them by offering to name the capital of any state of their choosing.

Taken aback by her confidence, a gentleman, thinking that he could stump her, asked her to name the capital of the State of Maine.

With a few moments of insightful thought, our buxom blonde, as confident as could be, smiled and gleefully stated "M"!!!!!!

Thing we wonder

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow?

Only to be troubled and insecure?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

What's another word for thesaurus?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?

Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

If the funeral procession is at night,

do folks drive with their headlights off?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident...

...were serious enough to take the trucking company(responsible for the accident) to court.

In court the trucking companies fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine," said the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened.

I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the......."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question." "Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'"

Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine.

Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client."

I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.

I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.

I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move.

However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning.

I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene.

He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.

After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.

He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her.

how are you feeling?"

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem.

I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes.

Want to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem.

Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible.

My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots. Immediately, the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"