Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.
The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on.
You open them up and everything inside is numbered."
The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on.
You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."
The third said, "I like to operate on electricians.
You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers.
They're heartless, spineless, gutless,
and their head and their butt are interchangeable."
There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing.
On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport.
During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi.
Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi.
Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"
And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi.
For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet.
And this went on for quite a number of cars.
Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.
The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!"
There upon, the driver yelled back,
"Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande
from time to time and robbing banks in Texas.
Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down.
After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."
But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish.
Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message.
The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.
"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.
The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, gringo. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"
Only in our Office - Another true story
Several weeks ago we hired a blond who wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.
One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," she told him.
With that, the blond took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
It seems a pastor from Maine skipped services one Sunday to go
bear hunting in the mountains.
As he turned the corner along the path, he and a bear collided.
The pastor stumbled backwards, slipped off the trail, and began tumbling down the mountain with the bear in hot pursuit.
Finally the pastor crashed into a boulder, sending his rifle in one direction and breaking both legs.
As the bear closed in, the pastor cried out in desperation, "Lord, I'm sorry for what I have done.
Please forgive me and save me! Lord, please make that bear a Christian."
Suddenly the bear skidded to a halt at the pastor's feet, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and said, "God, bless this food which I am about to receive."